Food-focused celebrations—like religious holidays, weddings, or birthdays—can feel overwhelming.
The anxieties around diet and body talk, fears of comments about your food choices and family dynamics can provoke intense emotional reactions.
You want to enjoy the celebrations but feel guilt, anxiety, and fear about food.
If you’re dealing with an eating disorder or disordered eating, it’s completely normal to feel uneasy about these gatherings.
But what if, instead of white-knuckling your way through, you could find moments of calm and even enjoyment?
In this post, I will guide you through:
- The importance of breaking the gathering into manageable steps to reduce overwhelm.
- What you can do leading up to your social gathering.
- Ways to manage your stress and anxiety during the meal.
- How to reflect and recenter after the meal.
Acknowledge Your Progress
Take some time to reflect on the progress you have made in your recovery journey. Many recovery wins may feel like small steps, but this is exactly what recovery is.
Lots of small wins.
Here are some prompts to help you reflect:
- Think of a recovery win you’ve had recently. What makes that win special to you?
- What differences have you noticed in the way that you respond to challenging situations?
- What did you learn from a difficult meal or stressful event that you can use to support yourself moving forward?
- How are you learning to respond to yourself when you’re feeling vulnerable or anxious? Are there any new compassionate phrases that you have found helpful?
- What forms of support (friends, family, therapy, groups) feel most helpful, and how have they contributed to your progress?
- Have you tried any new coping techniques? For example, grounding exercises, journaling, or nervous system regulation. How have they helped you handle tough situations?
Be Honest About Current Challenges
Being aware of your current challenges can help you get a better understanding of the support you’ll need. Have a think about the past couple of weeks and make a note of any recurring food rules, behaviours or thoughts that you find it hard to manage right now.
This is going to help you with the next step.
Set Realistic Goals
You may feel pressured to perform to keep the peace; however, doing so neglects your needs and doesn’t help you in the long run. In the same way, we want people to respect the boundaries we set, we can also respect the boundaries we have with ourselves.
Setting realistic goals can help build confidence. As opposed to imposing unrealistic expectations on yourself.
Before the Holidays: Planning for Self-Support
Let’s start to build a plan and a toolbox of resources to help you on the day.
Know Your Boundaries
Reflect on what you feel up to taking part in. You may want to enjoy the whole day and all the activities involved or you might want to skip some parts. You might not be able to make a decision now, but a boundary you might set is not saying yes to things if it means saying no to yourself.
Same goes for boundaries you’d like to set with others.
Write down one or two boundaries you’d like to set (e.g., “I don’t want to engage in diet or body talk,” )
Create a Meal Strategy
Depending on where you are in your recovery journey, you may need a detailed meal plan or a fall back plan in case you get overwhelmed. Keeping a regular eating schedule—making sure you don’t go too long without a meal or snack—can help lower your chances of restricting, compensating, or bingeing.
Will you need to bring any safe foods with you? Part of honouring where you are in your recovery journey is giving yourself to have safe foods whenever you need them.
Lastly, decide where you will eat which meals and snacks.
Make Yourself Comfortable
Wearing comfortable clothing can be quite the game-changer. Digestive issues are very common in eating disorder recovery and so wear clothes that allow for any bloating that may happen. Include any textures, scents or grounding objects and jewellery that also bring you comfort.
During the Event: Staying in the Present
When we experience a trigger, we become disconnected from ourselves, the people around us and our environment. Being able to return to the present moment and ground is an important skill.
Focus on Connection
Whilst food can be the thing that many may look forward to at food focused celebrations, there are other elements that go on around the food. If the food piece feels overwhelming, shift your attention to people, having fun or meaningful conversations. What are the parts of the gathering that feel less overwhelming for you?
If things are too overwhelming, find some quiet solitude where you can take a break.
Use Grounding Techniques
Here are three grounding techniques you can use to help you with this.
Feel Your Feet on the Ground
You can use other body parts such as your hands. For this example I’ll use feet.
You start by bringing awareness to your feet.
Notice the texture that you feel against their soles.
Then taking one foot at a time you’re going to trace an outline of the entire foot and each toe with an imaginary pencil. Imagine the pressure and sensation of the imaginary pencil against your skin.
Use an anchoring statement
Using an anchoring statement is another way that you can bring yourself into the present.
Let’s start with your full name and then you’re going to say today’s date, the day, the month and the year.
What time is it?
And if you can’t see a clock right now you can just say roughly what time it is.
Say where you are, your location, your city, your country.
Keep expanding and adding details until you start to feel a bit more present.
54321 Sensory Grounding Technique
The 54321 Sensory Grounding Technique helps you reconnect with your environment.
Here’s how it works:
First, look around and name five things you can see. They could be anything—your surroundings, objects, or even colours. Take note of what’s in your field of vision.
Next, focus on four things you can feel. It could be the texture of your clothes, the surface you’re sitting on, or even the temperature of the air.
Really tune into your senses here.
Then, listen for three things you can hear. The hum of the environment, distant voices, or even your own breath.
Let the sounds ground you.
Now, take a deep breath and name two things you can smell. If you prefer, you can recall scents that make you feel safe or calm.
Finally, take a moment to name one thing you can taste. If there’s nothing in your mouth right now, you can imagine a flavour that you like.
I love simple tools because they are usually the easiest to reach for and remember.
The more you practice these techniques day-to-day, the easier they will be to reach for when you need them.
Manage Triggering Conversations
When you’re trying to divest from restrictive food thoughts and behaviours, the last thing you want to do is talk about diets and weight loss.
“When people start talking about weight loss, their latest diet, or trash-talking their body, they are likely anxious and/or seeking connection. This does not make it okay btw, but remembering this might offer context and compassion so you are more free to do your thing.” – Fiona Sutherland (The Mindful Dietician)
Here are some of my favourite ways to shut down diet talk:
- Actually, this is quite a tricky subject for me, can we talk about something else?
- I’m all for people doing what they want with their bodies but I really don’t enjoy talking about diets or weight loss.
- Diet talk is so 90s/00s. Tell me what you’ve been up to? Holiday plans? Are you reading anything good atm?
- I’ve been working really hard to not get caught up in thoughts about diets, let’s talk about something else.
- I’m going to lovingly ask you not to speak about diets, weight loss or food policing with me. What else has been going on?
- Okay, no more diet talk please. Offer up a new topic.
It may feel hard setting this boundary the first few times but after a while it gets easier. Stick to your guns and eventually most people will get the message.
When it’s all over: Reflect and Settle
Take some time post-event to check in with yourself. Check in with what you might need right now. What feelings and emotions that may be present.
“With self-compassion, we give ourselves the same kindness and support we’d give to a good friend.” – Dr. Kristin Neff
Check in with yourself
No matter how the day went, you did it! You did what you could do with where you are in your recovery right now.
Even the most well-intentioned plans cannot predict every eventuality.
Therefore, the critical ED voice will probably nitpick at something (especially if the social event itself has triggered it). Does the ED voice sound angry? Scared? Perhaps even like it wants to protect you?
Sometimes that voice is so loud, it can skew the reality of how the event actually went.
All feelings and emotions are valid.
Reflect
When reflecting, have a think about situations that you feel went well. Any mini wins? Or small glimmers you may have noticed throughout the day. Perhaps there was one situation that you would like to work towards handling differently.
What were the things that were in your control and what wasn’t? Be sure to celebrate those mini wins, like showing up to a gathering or using a grounding technique.
Every win counts.
It may help to share your thoughts with a trusted friend, family member, or therapist who knows your journey.
Engage in a Soothing Activity
Do something that will help you feel settled. This could be snuggling with a pet or loved one, listening to your favourite song or podcast, watching TV, or reading a book. Anything that helps you feel a little more soothed and comfy.
Be Gentle With Yourself
The holidays can be quite difficult. A lot of those challenges can go back many, many years, so give yourself all the time you need to heal. The most important thing is that you do your best to keep yourself as safe as possible.
Take what you need from the guidance I’ve shared above. What resonates and feels like it could be helpful?
Please be gentle with yourself. You deserve ease.
Where to Turn for Extra Support
In the UK, 111 will tell you the right place to get help (select the mental health option).
Or, these services offer confidential support from trained volunteers.
- Call 116 123 to talk to Samaritans, or email: [email protected] for a reply within 24 hours
- Text “SHOUT” to 85258 to contact the Shout Crisis Text Line, or text “YM” if you’re under 19
If you’re under 19, you can also call 0800 1111 to talk to Childline. The number will not appear on your phone bill.
These services will only share your information if they are very worried about you or think you are in immediate danger.
Beat is the UK’s eating disorder charity. You can find details for their helpline here.
If you’re outside of the UK, take some time to find and save the details of any mental health services that are local to you. Save them to your phone so that you have them to hand whenever you need them.
